I went to the doctor yesterday for my first prenatal check-up, and the doctor found something totally unexpected. She did an ultrasound and found the egg sac that is supposed to be feeding the baby, but there is no baby. The baby never developed. She told me I should start bleeding soon, and it will likely be painful. The worst part is that after five weeks of "knowing" we were going to have a baby, I find out we aren't going to have a baby. I have been feeding an egg sac and nothing more. I get to experience almost all the symptoms of pregnancy with no benefits, and then I get to experience (likely) intense bleeding and even pain. Add to that the emotional pain that comes with the loss and it seems I am in a no-win situation.
After a lot of crying and wondering why yesterday, I really believe God let me in on part of his plan. I have really been feeling lately like God wants me to be a counselor to hurting women and children. I really believe God let me go through this and many of my other horrible experiences so I can relate better to the women I will be helping. God has really been speaking to me lately through the song "Motions" by Matthew West, and I know he wants me to be more passionate and closer to him than I have been. I truly want that too, and I know that he is letting me go through this time to make me stronger and to help other people. It hurts like crazy, but I know there is a GREAT reason why I am feeling this hurt for a short time. God's plan is bigger than any of us realize. Please pray for me that I will have strength in this time and that the physical pain won't be overwhelming when I finally start bleeding. Pray also for wisdom for Jon Paul and I. I am supposed to go back on Thursday, the 22nd so they can take my hormone levels again. I'm not sure why this is necessary, but I think the doctor suspected I may have had/still have a hormonal imbalance.
On the plus side, Jabin has finally gained some weight. The last time he was weighed he was like 22.5 pounds. Now, he is over 25.5 pounds. JP told me he was 32 inches long, but he according to the doctors he was 31 inches long last time, and I know he has grown more than an inch in the past five months or so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUg9qE_KjLg
I'm so sorry, Rebecca.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that, Rebecca. What a hard thing to go through. It sounds like you know that God's plan is wiser and bigger than ours, but I'm sure there will still be many difficult days ahead. I'm praying that friends and family can be God's hands and feet to you during the next few weeks!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry...praying for comfort and healing.
ReplyDeleteThat is really tough. I will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that this happened to you Rebecca! You have a great attitude about it though and I'm glad that you embracing God's divine plan, however hard it may be.
ReplyDeletePS. The reason they will be checking your horomone in a couple weeks, because if you still have pregnancy horomone in your system, they might have to intervene to make sure that you completely miscarry. Otherwise you could develop an infection.
So sorry to hear of your loss. It's tough! We will be praying for you all of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that a miscarriage can be very hard to go through. You have to get your strength from the Lord and in time the pain is much less. I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I have been through the same thing. Each persons loss is their own, private and very painful. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, Rebecca. Lifting you and your family up in prayer.
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